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Go to the bottom of this page 2013 Oscars: It's happening again
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02-22-2013 6:19 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

And once again we find ourselves in the bleak snows of midwinter. The nation ravaged by blizzards, the east coast still picking up the pieces of a superstorm, a congress all but swearing secessionist allegiance.

But take heart, sweet America, the guy who created family guy is hosting the oscars.

..Dear god, these are the last days.

So time to place your bets, witness your hopes die, and consider elaborate revenge scenarios when the academy totally disappoints you! I linked to all the nominees because I'm not listing them all.

I'll cut to the quick, if you're placing bets on best picture do not bet your money on Zero Dark Thirty. The Academy is a bunch of hand-wringing, anti-feminist, overly privileged limousine liberals.

Oh, you noticed the phrase "anti-feminist" in there? Curious? Well here is the long promised rant.

Zero Dark Thirty, and it's eventual loss, gives you license to spit in the face of the next social justice crusader who bitches about misogyny and chases after shadows. The director of Zero Dark Thirty, Kathryn Bigelow, represents everything these tumblr jockies claim they want in media. An independent, capable female presence who does her own thing her own way.

The main character, played wonderfully by Jessica Chastain, a terrific actress, is a career oriented, independent, competent CIA agent....nine and I have both spoken of robbing whoever wins the best actress oscar and leaving it on her doorstep.

All of this sounds like stuff you'd see venerated right? Strong female lead, director (and I..think co-writer, at least at one phase of development) isn't a guy? That's all cool right! We like that shit, don't we! Why wouldn't you like that?

Ah but now we hit the part where the pseudo-autistic elements of the so called "progressive movement" gets its programming all mixed up. The film doesn't depict the torture of retrograde religious fanatics as inherently evil. So the ones and zeros representing "everything is misogyny" and "but torture you guyyyyys, sensitivity ;_;" get all mixed up.

But heres what really bothers the Sensitive Nice Guys about this movie. Unraveling the whole ball of yarn to reveal its rotten, putrid center you'll find a common theme I've mentioned in the past...none of the women, or the character in the movie, act "girly". And that's all these people really want. Their "feminism" is a bad joke. Hell look at how the supposed "progressives" we recently lost were TORN TO SHREDS by hol, an ACTUAL independent woman with agency. Tell me there isn't an element of misogyny here, or at least an element of negating female agency. I know, it doesn't involve phantasm "bro" strawmen and you can't feel superior for calling it out, but tell me there isn't something wrong here.

And that is why "silver linings playbook", a film I think I am fucking boycotting, will likely win. It is apparently UTTER TREACLE about some whiny hick from south philly with a brain problem nailing the dame from hunger games. So it has somebody playing a nutcase (the academy loves this), predictable looking 'love conquers all' pablum (the academy loves this), and robert deniro is in it likely phoning in a performance as he is doing recently (the academy loves awarding people they already gave shit to)


Oh or Argo might win, I haven't seen it but people tell me it's really good. I saw the town and Ben Affleck is a pretty cool dude eh directs well and doesn't afraid of people's residual hatred of gigli.



Anyway yeah this is the oscar thread for this year. I forgot to do it in 2012 and we did it in the IRC, hey you got the rant I'd been promising and sort of leaking elements of for months! I always deliver on the vitriolic nonsense I promise you fine people.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-22-2013 6:28 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Is it really that simple in regards to Zero Dark Thirty? Wasn't Sigourney Weaver awarded Best Actress for Ripley in Alien?

I mean yeah, your overall message is basically right (that the left nowadays is insane), but I'm not sure about that bit.

My money was on Les Miserables for Best Picture, simply because it's an adaptation of that French play.

I have never heard of Silver Linings' Playbook. Is the guy autistic or what?
02-22-2013 6:40 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Pearly Gates:
Is it really that simple in regards to Zero Dark Thirty? Wasn't Sigourney Weaver awarded Best Actress for Ripley in Alien?


From where I'm standing? Yes. I reread it and as far as I'm concerned I pulled punches.

Alien...which it's funny you'd bring up, the sequel was directed by Kathryn Bigelow's ex husband...didn't touch off some nonsense "firestorm of controversy" about WAAAAH TORTURE, WAAAAH INACCURATE.

Oh by the way the charges of "inaccuracy" come from an FBI report from what I've heard. And the FBI and CIA are notoriously at each others throats pretty much constantly. Both fine agencies, but their interactions usually resemble two siblings arguing over who shoved who.

Quote:
I have never heard of Silver Linings' Playbook. Is the guy autistic or what?


Bipolar disorder. Also what bunker are you in that you evaded the hype about that movie, and can I sleep on your couch.

Le Mis...could win it, but the hype machine seems to be in full gear for either argo or silver linings playbook.

And generally the best indicator of what film will win is hype, nothing about these awards has anything to do with genuine merit (PLEASE do not make me bring up diablo cody again, even I'm sick of doing that)

I mean I've heard good things about le mis, I'm generally not one for musicals so I didn't see it, and the academy does enjoy spectacle...I dunno my gut is telling me it won't win.

edit: Okay wait, wait wait wait because I sent this to nine

Quote:
(that the left nowadays is insane)


PLEASE nobody misconstrue this rant. I am in NO WAY maligning the political left as a whole, far from it, I am talking about a hyper-specific ELEMENT of the left, who I have always felt is negating a lot of the rest of us who trend even slightly towards that direction of the political spectrum in this country.

The key phrase is tumblr jockies. Which admittedly is a term I made up just now, but...you know who I mean, we all know who I mean.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-22-2013 6:42 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well... bipolar people certainly can land girlfriends.

Let's not pull punches though: it's fucking rare they land a "hot" one, and they tend to not stick around.
02-22-2013 8:23 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Pearly Gates:
Well... bipolar people certainly can land girlfriends.

Let's not pull punches though: it's fucking rare they land a "hot" one, and they tend to not stick around.


Yeah it seems like the typical...blah blah blah love and family conquer all root for the lunatic because somehow they are an underdog, feel good oscar bait.

Also they seem to be sort of annointing the actress from the hunger games, jennifer lawrence, as "the next big thing". My only knowledge of her comes from seeing her host saturday night live, I have no overt problem with her, she seemed pretty good in that context anyway, but...they also seemed like that with jessica chastain. She's younger I guess...like..late twenties maybe? So they'll probably pull this with some new starlet next year.

The whole thing is basically a hype machine. The Academy is basically a bunch of lifetime insiders in their 60s or older sitting in a closed room producing a farce that can boost the revenues of movies they deem "worthy". The entire thing is really an exercise in asinine madness. Like its fun to watch in the same way people will slow down to look at a car accident.

Oh trying to bet on how long the show will run over its allotted time is amusing too. Considering this is seth macfarlene and that guy loves singing I'm expecting several musical interludes. I'm really kind of interested to see how this goes, but in a very morbid "this is a potential fiasco" way.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-22-2013 8:35 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

So why the hell is The Hobbit rated so badly?
02-22-2013 8:40 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Pearly Gates:
So why the hell is The Hobbit rated so badly?


Because Peter Jackson is splitting it into three movies and I believe he's cramming shit from the silmarillion into it because he's an obsessive Tolkein fanboy and enjoys the opportunity to film in New Zealand.

Mind you, I liked the first hobbit movie (and didn't like the book from what I remember, granted I read it in grade school) and also I don't really blame him for that other stuff.

But people apparently expected something different.

Oh also apparently there was some 3d projection of it which from what I hear is god awful in terms of viewing but I somewhat loathe the entire 3d fad to begin with and can't wait for it to die off again.

(But anybody who went to a 3d screening, hey that is your fault you probably should have expected this)

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-22-2013 8:42 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Sharp:
Quote by Pearly Gates:
So why the hell is The Hobbit rated so badly?


Because Peter Jackson is splitting it into three movies and I believe he's cramming shit from the silmarillion into it because he's an obsessive Tolkein fanboy and enjoys the opportunity to film in New Zealand.


Say what? As far as I can tell he didn't cram jack crap from Silmarrillion into it!
02-22-2013 9:22 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Pearly Gates:
Quote by Sharp:
Quote by Pearly Gates:
So why the hell is The Hobbit rated so badly?


Because Peter Jackson is splitting it into three movies and I believe he's cramming shit from the silmarillion into it because he's an obsessive Tolkein fanboy and enjoys the opportunity to film in New Zealand.


Say what? As far as I can tell he didn't cram jack crap from Silmarrillion into it!


I...thought? Wait did you read it? I thought that shit about "the lich" or whatever was from there.

Honestly I forget if that was in the hobbit, I didn't wanna go reread it. I still have yet to read the copy of the lord of the rings trilogy I was given..I think I have two actually, and I probably have a copy of the silmarillion somewhere that one of my parents got ages ago.

I dunno I was never much into the whole fantasy genre or whatever. I mean I don't DISLIKE it but it just was never a huge thing for me. I like the adaptations, they are well made and entertaining films is all.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-22-2013 9:44 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

I don't like fantasy crap (fucking ELVES) but I really liked Lotr and Hobbit

Also
Quote:
Although he is on medication (which he doesn't take because of the way it makes him feel) and has mandatory therapy sessions, Pat Jr. feels like he can manage on the outside solely by healthy living and looking for the "silver linings" in his life. His goals are to get his old job back as a substitute teacher, but more importantly reunite with Nikki. He finds there are certain instances where he doesn't cope well, however no less so than some others who have never been institutionalized, such as his Philadelphia Eagles obsessed OCD father who has resorted to being a bookie to earn a living, his best friend Ronnie who quietly seethes over the control wielded by his wife Veronica, and Veronica's widowed sister, Tiffany Maxwell, a recovering sex addict. In their fragile mental states, Pat Jr. and Tiffany embark on a love/hate friendship based primarily on what help the other can provide in achieving their individual goals. But they may reevaluate their goals as their relationship progresses.



....

Fuck this movie

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Necro: sex is an intoxicant for the mediocre

02-22-2013 9:49 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Is...is this the actual movie.

This is fucking hysterical. Like this sounds like a parody of oscar-bait movies.

I tried making a joke pitch for a movie for comparison but this actual movie sounds more absurd.

This sounds like American Beauty which I swear to god I was actually laughing during half of it (Because EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER is just damaged in a narrative convenient way). Except probably worse.

I mean what is this shit? This is like artifice for the sole purpose of seeming 'dramatic' and I'm hearing people say this is a wake up call for how society handles the mentally ill? REALLY?! WHAT?!

WHY IS THIS NOMINATED? THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D BE FLUNKED FOR IN FILM SCHOOL. I really lol'd at the random insertion of the philadelphia eagles as some shot at verisimilitude...I assume...AND THAT GUY HAS OCD. HAAAAHAHAHAHA.

Seriousky someone explain to me why this is even a contender.

edit: I read it again, they have a 'sex addict' character. Because there was a movie about that so they probably got the idea from there. This is just too fucking funny. I...I sort of want to watch this when it comes on t.v. because it just seems SO cynically manipulative and stupid.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-23-2013 5:26 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Sharp:
Quote by Pearly Gates:
Quote by Sharp:
Quote by Pearly Gates:
So why the hell is The Hobbit rated so badly?


Because Peter Jackson is splitting it into three movies and I believe he's cramming shit from the silmarillion into it because he's an obsessive Tolkein fanboy and enjoys the opportunity to film in New Zealand.


Say what? As far as I can tell he didn't cram jack crap from Silmarrillion into it!


I...thought? Wait did you read it? I thought that shit about "the lich" or whatever was from there.


You mean the Necromancer.

It's never made quite clear, but the Necromancer they keep talking about is Sauron himself. He's being a dick and playing a shell game.
02-23-2013 5:49 AMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well yeah, the fact its sauron seemed obvious, but I figured that came up in the silmarillion

I don't remember that happening or being mentioned in the book, at least.

(Hell I just wanna see smaug already, that will probably be neat)

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-23-2013 5:51 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Nah, it did happen in the Hobbit.
02-24-2013 8:27 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

5 or so minutes to zero hour, and so far what I've noticed is this Kristen Chenowith person doing the red carpet thing is a creepy little homonculus.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-24-2013 8:38 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

First 10 minutes seth macfarlene started singing, told ya.

edit: Make that TWO songs.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-24-2013 9:13 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Okay did I mishear that or did they start playing the music from Jaws as the wrap it up music on that one guys speech.

Because if so lol what.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-24-2013 10:25 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

The "Sally Field was robbed" express train is leaving the station. ALL ABOARD.

I mean, no offense to Anne Hathaway who I otherwise like, but...I dunno, I still think it shoulda gone to sally field kind of.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-24-2013 10:40 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

10:11:07 PM) Sharpshooter005: Hey hol you remember you mentioned the cgi bear thing. Yeah now thats happening.
(10:11:18 PM) Hollow: Oh joy.
(10:11:41 PM) Sharpshooter005: The bear is now talking about "post oscar orgies"
(10:11:51 PM) Hollow: :|
(10:13:46 PM) Sharpshooter005: Yeah a CGI bear uttered the phrase "I'm good at sex". Congradulations academy of motion pictures arts and sciences.

SETH MACFARLANE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

And that anamatronic robot standing next to the CGI bear was...Oh wait, no that was just Marky Mark.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

02-24-2013 10:53 PMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Okay Lincoln got the production design oscar (I could probably go on somewhat at length about why that was deserved) so thats good.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

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