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Go to the bottom of this page God is on the Democrats' side: An Essay on Bill Clinton
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04-03-2003 8:39 AMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

I've decided that I know what ultimate suffering is; it's watching your brother down your Vanilla Coke on a relatively hot day.

Anyways, new rant (for the few people who care)!

Here at Cynical Headquarters, Boston, MA, we've got licensed and knowledgable staff willing to come up with cynical humor at any time, date, or location. But today, I was thinking about politics - the only thing I think about when I'm bored - and I've decided I can touch on an old political subject and maybe not get my post totally deleted within a week!
Hence, the New Cynic's Rant on Old Politics Sort Of.
I was thinking about hypocrisy after reading the thread entitled "Hollow." and it came to me - Christian Coalition members! Perhaps I'm not clarifying my standpoint enough, but I HATE CHRISTIAN COALITION REPUBLICAN RIGHT-WINGERS. This is anyone who subscribes to the Christian Identity, narrow-minded fuckwad intolerants who believe homosexuality is a kind of disease and that black people deserve to be killed. Anyway - off topic. Back to hypocrisy. Now, thinking of hypocrisy (by default) always leads the thoughts about politics...so I got to thinking about Clinton, of course. The first African-American president of the United States (if you don't understand why, don't bother reading the rest of this rant). Clinton was the rock and roll president, a man who earned his Ace of Spades in the form of the race card and left it on the hallowed Senate floor, with Republican lynchers angry and defeated.
I was thinking, of course, as to why Bill Clinton wasn't impeached, and of course, the first name that comes to mind is Larry Flynt.
Now, Larry Flynt is a porn king who began with idle roots in a small hick town and became a mogul of masturbation with the clubs and magazine "Hustler." However, in some-year-I-forgot, he was shot - coincidentally, by a Christian Coalition vigilante who was angered by an interracial photo spread. Larry Flynt saved the Clinton presidency, if you pay attention to the details - but then again, so did Kenneth Starr.
I'll explain why now.
Larry Flynt, shot up and angered by the Republican faithful, began to get angry when the likes of Jesse Helms and Trent Lott began unsheathing the long knives and preparing to lynch Bill Clinton. This led, shortly, to the ultimate in awesome tactics - bribery and extortion! Flynt offered a whopping one million dollars to whoever came up with any dirt regarding Newt Gingrich, Trent Lott, Jesse Helms, et. al. To those who say "Pfft!" at one million, you obviously have no concept of money. Anyway, things shortly began popping up and Gingrich resigned from office shortly thereafter when some photos surfaced in which he was conferencing with an aide bare-assed and on top of her. So, in more than one way, Larry Flynt saved the day for Bill Clinton.
God was also on Bill Clinton's side when Ken Starr, the pious little twit, decided to bury all of the details of the anilingus ("rimming" - and yes, the President did that, too...), fellatio, and wet-cigar-chomping in a 1,000+ page report. At first, you'd say "That's a lot of information!", but then you'd remember you live in an America based on snap endings and articles rarely exceeding 1,000 words in length. 1,000 WORDS. So, unintentionally, Ken Starr inadvertently subterfuged his own plans to hang Bill Clinton.
Final proof that God was on Bill Clinton's side was the well-earned Ace of Spades - the Race Card. Clinton came just a little bit after the era of black rioting and civil-urban warfare, an era of violence and anger - all by blacks who've been cheated all their lives (serves the white bastards right, but anyway). If you paid attention, Bill Clinton was seen clutching a Bible and photographed with people like the Reverend Jesse Jackson WHENEVER HE COULD BE - a flood of black people hurried to Bill's defense, because he was the First Black President, the only president who stuck up for the brothers and was generally interested in their well-being. Now, again, the Republicans were forced to publicly play the racist role they privately played so well - by calling up Clinton's leading secretary, Betty Currie (who knew EVERYTHING!), they could've sealed the deal - impeached Bill Clinton. But they'd have to harass, destroy, and debase an attractive young black woman - and so, Bill Clinton was saved YET AGAIN by the skin of his teeth.

And I hate Bill Clinton. But, you've got to acknowledge his divine luck.

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
04-04-2003 8:55 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Heh..yeah, I hate Clinton too.

I really hate it though, how alot of people consider majority Democrats black, and majority Republicans white. So..where do all the 'other' races go? Third party? It's stupid shit..just vote for who you like the ideals of, not just because of his label..

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Dali: Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.

04-05-2003 1:34 AMGir is offline Search for Posts by Gir Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

I don't think he gave a damn about anyone but himself. I don't know why you think he cared. He said he did, he also said he didn't have sexual relations with that woman. I also think that the only reason people think republicans hate blacks is because so many libs say it. I'm tired of that label, it is not even remotely true. Also I'm republican and an athiest so :tongue: .
04-08-2003 12:09 PMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

My entire point was to write this satirically - sheesh, I think I'm going to be annihilated if I ever try this on a nationwide scale (my ultimate goal) - I like pissing off Christian Coalitionist whitebread anti-Jew anti-black anti-gay motherfuckers, but apparently the whole nation would kick my ass if I wrote something like that. o.o
Guess I'm stuck to the confines of writing Evangelion fanfiction until I can think up another profession for when I get older.

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
04-08-2003 12:57 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

...This topic is wrong. I am so NOT on the Democrats' side.
04-08-2003 5:31 PMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Oh! Uh, I had forgotten your superiority comple - I mean, err, your divinity, XP! u.u'

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
04-08-2003 5:40 PMMav is offline Send an Email to Mav Homepage of Mav Search for Posts by Mav Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

...Uhm, Clinton WAS impeached I believe, since impeachment is the act OF being brought to court, not getting convicted...



Or maybe i just missunderstood a good chunk of that rant. o.o

__________________
Quote by Hol:
Though it's Christmas Day
I really do have to say
Dammit Mav, you're Gay

Quote by Alizarin:
<Alizarin>: mav mav he's mabulous la la la




Quote by Daveh:
I thought of you and my cock got as hard as a diamond, the rope stood no chance D:

04-08-2003 5:42 PMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well, then, I win - you're confused.
Mav...do I know you, at all? I wonder. Hmm. You seem...eh...familiar. o.o
Oh well.

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
04-08-2003 5:43 PMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

That smiley RULES. o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
04-08-2003 6:09 PMMav is offline Send an Email to Mav Homepage of Mav Search for Posts by Mav Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

You may have seen me at DS or under one of my original names at htis forum...

__________________
Quote by Hol:
Though it's Christmas Day
I really do have to say
Dammit Mav, you're Gay

Quote by Alizarin:
<Alizarin>: mav mav he's mabulous la la la




Quote by Daveh:
I thought of you and my cock got as hard as a diamond, the rope stood no chance D:

04-15-2003 9:39 AMChurch is offline Send an Email to Church Search for Posts by Church Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Nah, perhaps you're just one of those random-people-who-remind-people-of-other-random-people-kind-of-people, you know?

__________________
Red vs. Blue

* Discussing Politics - Real Life *
* Church standing in front of Sarge *

Church: Look, that's just the way I feel about it.
Sarge: Well I disagree, but I respect your opinion.

* Discussing Politics - Internet *
*Church is firing at Sarge*

Church: You deserve to DIE! Die, and go to hell and burn!
Sarge: Oh yeah!? Well I hope you get RAEPd! Twice! Maybe then you'll feel different! Jerk!
Grif: We don't need to find any weapons of mass destruction! We just need to want to find 'em. That's the way it works!
Simmons: I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!
Donut: Politics makes me soooooo horny. Check out my webcam pic at www.presidentialsluts.com!
07-15-2003 7:26 AMNova is offline Send an Email to Nova Search for Posts by Nova Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Jiiro
I've decided that I know what ultimate suffering is; it's watching your brother down your Vanilla Coke on a relatively hot day.

Anyways, new rant (for the few people who care)!

Here at Cynical Headquarters, Boston, MA, we've got licensed and knowledgable staff willing to come up with cynical humor at any time, date, or location. But today, I was thinking about politics - the only thing I think about when I'm bored - and I've decided I can touch on an old political subject and maybe not get my post totally deleted within a week!
Hence, the New Cynic's Rant on Old Politics Sort Of.
I was thinking about hypocrisy after reading the thread entitled "Hollow." and it came to me - Christian Coalition members! Perhaps I'm not clarifying my standpoint enough, but I HATE CHRISTIAN COALITION REPUBLICAN RIGHT-WINGERS. This is anyone who subscribes to the Christian Identity, narrow-minded fuckwad intolerants who believe homosexuality is a kind of disease and that black people deserve to be killed. Anyway - off topic. Back to hypocrisy.


*Is so damn bored he is replying to political debates on TDotOL...*

You're being a hypocrite yourself by saying you hate Christian Coalition Republican Right-Wingers. Actually, you're just being the Liberal Left-Wingerthat you truly are--full of shit and nothing valid to say 'cept for hating Bill. ;P (In short, you yourself are being narrow minded.)

I think of myself as a Christian. A REAL Christian doesn't care what race you are, if you're Gay. It all depends how much money you donate to their cause. (I kid, I kid!)

Okay, so, I've nulled your first point in one go. Onto the next...

Bad things happen to good people. Remember this. ;>

Edit: Oh, and Clinton wasn't impeached. He was tried in a court, but was never impeached.

This post has been edited; it was last edited by Nova: 07-15-2003 7:28 AM.

07-15-2003 7:44 AMLullabye is offline Send an Email to Lullabye Homepage of Lullabye Search for Posts by Lullabye Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

You do know that you can be a right wing cynicist correct, you just have to one believe that economics is very important and two that liberal cynics are an oxymoron because then they're hoping for the best and yet they only want to see the worst.

__________________
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GateKeepers (original series) --- GateKeepers 21
08-14-2016 11:39 AMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

this dude was crazier than sharp

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Dali: Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.

08-14-2016 3:40 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

If god is on clinton's side then we should commit deicide.

(OUT-CRAZIED THE DUDE. BOOM.)

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

08-15-2016 8:31 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Kandi Kayne:
this dude was crazier than sharp


"Oh great. now Hamlet’s acting crazy. Well no one out-crazies Ophelia!"

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

08-16-2016 9:30 AMGudetama is offline Send an Email to Gudetama Search for Posts by Gudetama Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Bill Cipher:
Quote by Kandi Kayne:
this dude was crazier than sharp


"Oh great. now Hamlet’s acting crazy. Well no one out-crazies Ophelia!"


I got to use the "No one outcrazies Ophelia" line at work the other day.

__________________


08-16-2016 1:15 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Ahahahahahaha, awesome.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

08-22-2016 8:08 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Mav posted a good article about the horrors of Bill (Clinton, not Cipher)

Quote:
The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act ended traditional welfare by turning a federal entitlement, Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC), into block grants, or Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF). TANF established tougher mandates on poor single mothers and gave states more flexibility in how they spent welfare dollars (opening the door for increased discrimination against minorities).

It prohibits anyone from receiving assistance for more than two consecutive years or for more than five years over the course of their life. The act also requires aid recipients to be employed, in most cases, at least thirty hours a week to get their welfare checks, amounting to an hourly wage well below the legal minimum.

Once recipients reach their program time limit, TANF forces them even further into the labor market with little consideration of how they could ensure their children are properly cared for or whether paid employment will earn them an adequate wage. Many more are not even able to find work. A 2012 report by the Urban Institute concluded that for recipients with barriers to employment, TANF did little to help them find jobs.

Sweeping in scope, TANF contains clauses to bolster marriage, mandate job training, and offer parenting classes. The “flexibility” that was a hallmark of the welfare reform bill enabled states to shift welfare funds away from direct cash assistance toward child care programs or subsidies for companies hiring welfare recipients, meaning that a greater portion of public welfare dollars went to the private sector.


__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Dali: Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them. On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly. After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.

08-22-2016 8:31 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

NAFTA, TANF, TPP

They just love destroying peoples lives and hiding it behind an acronym.

Quote:
bolster marriage, mandate job training, and offer parenting classes. The “flexibility” that was a hallmark of the welfare reform bill enabled states to shift welfare funds away from direct cash assistance toward child care programs or subsidies for companies hiring welfare recipients, meaning that a greater portion of public welfare dollars went to the private sector.


Private sector, so obviously the interests aligned with the new oligarchy class.

And that's cute, "bolster marriage, offer classes". So now they can go "Well your kid can read and your spouse is still with you. So who's responsible for that, hmm? Now go into the polling booth and remember who your benefactors are".

Just create an underclass who beg for scraps, yep. And don't question it or else you get called names.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

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