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08-13-2003 7:32 AMLady Rosalind is offline Send an Email to Lady Rosalind Search for Posts by Lady Rosalind Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Okies, well it's a trial to put my Writer's Workshop piece on the forums, especially since it's only the first draft.
We had to write a poem about a food. I chose an apple, a Pink Lady apple, and combined the idea of the things a "pink lady" in the flesh could represent, along with the story of Eve and the apple in the garden of Eden. It's probably shocking, but I have to hand it in. Please give me constructive feedback! Thanks all. (And no, it's not deliberately written "explicitly"... it's the concept of the woman. Sorry!)

Eden

Lean, browned fingers reach
to pluck her,
delicately,
from the firm, curved crescents
and soft, rounded globes
of the blue china bowl.

Shaped from his rib,
she entered the paradise garden.
Woman from man,
created free
to roam the sanctuary of desires.
"Do not eat the apple."

His hand caresses her gentle curves,
rubbing her against his breast
until she glows,
skin lightly flushed.
Under nose, her fragrance is delectable;
seductive.

Judgement free and
nakedness unshameful,
days were blissful;
they knew no other.
Succulent, sweet fruit -
only the apple forbidden.

His tongue moistens his lips as they
draw together -
blood pounding in his ears.
She: like a forbidden fantasy,
tantalising, erotic.
He longs for the pleasure.

Beware the serpent,
heed his cunning nature.
Eve, the apple is beyond reach!
Her teeth break its flesh...

He sinks his teeth into her gown,
parting it to show pale white flesh.
Her juice dribbles down his chin;
the Pink Lady bared for all...

Truth?
We are naked and this is
something of shame. No.
Truth:
Wisdom is shame;
you knew better when you knew nothing.

Pleasure and delight sought;
found in the beauty of the apple.
Beware the deceptiveness
or mere appearance:
Part her maskful skin,
and see the worm...

buried in her heart.

__________________
Unbanned! take that, Mal
11-09-2007 4:17 AMThe Greatest of All Time is offline Search for Posts by The Greatest of All Time Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

this fucking sucks

__________________
11/23/08


Year of Sharp, 2016

Quote by X-sah:
Necro: Pfft. You're a useless waste of oxygen.

There is an idea of a Necro; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there

\m/ Megadeth \m/
Political Correctness Needs to Stop
08/27/2015

11-09-2007 4:18 AMThe Greatest of All Time is offline Search for Posts by The Greatest of All Time Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

hint: like everyone else here i didn't read it I rock.

__________________
11/23/08


Year of Sharp, 2016

Quote by X-sah:
Necro: Pfft. You're a useless waste of oxygen.

There is an idea of a Necro; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there

\m/ Megadeth \m/
Political Correctness Needs to Stop
08/27/2015

11-09-2007 8:27 AMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
He sinks his teeth into her gown,
parting it to show pale white flesh.
Her juice dribbles down his chin;
the Pink Lady bared for all...


No see, no, I pictured wifey, this is wrong

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Frank: Some cocks can't be unsucked.

11-09-2007 9:54 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

That doesn't look like a penis at all!
11-10-2007 3:26 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

HENCE WHY IT'S WRONG

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Frank: Some cocks can't be unsucked.

11-11-2007 8:27 AMMoose is offline Search for Posts by Moose Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

When poetry doesn't rhyme, I always wonder what classifies it as poetry.
11-11-2007 9:08 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Haikus don't rhyme...
11-11-2007 9:19 AMMoose is offline Search for Posts by Moose Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

But that still has a system, usually: Five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. Poetry like this... Well, I mean, what classifies is as poetry?
11-11-2007 9:35 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

True enough... I can't glean a meaning out of the Wikipedia article, plus I'm tired anyway.
11-11-2007 11:33 AMOld Gabén is offline Send an Email to Old Gabén Search for Posts by Old Gabén Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

POETRY IS NOT PROSE

JUST LIKE PROSE IS NOT POETRY

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11-11-2007 5:57 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by New Model No. 15
hint: like everyone else here i didn't read it I rock.


__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

11-11-2007 8:52 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

I just thought it was gross that she implied the female emitted a "pleasant fragrance" after she "glowed" from getting her boobies touched.

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Frank: Some cocks can't be unsucked.

11-11-2007 8:58 PMMoose is offline Search for Posts by Moose Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

In other words, HORNY STINK.
11-11-2007 9:13 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

See, this is why I didn't read it. Random scribblings of some SURPRISE, COCKFAGS!n broad about pheromone emitting apples or some such bullshit.

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

11-11-2007 10:24 PMFreeze is offline Send an Email to Freeze Search for Posts by Freeze Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Eyebrow

__________________

Quote by Necro:
there's this cookie cutter life that people expect you to have and once you hit your 20s you're supposed to be somewhere in the middle of it

i ate the dough

11-11-2007 10:28 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Sharpshooter005
See, this is why I didn't read it. Random scribblings of some SURPRISE, COCKFAGS!n broad about pheromone emitting apples or some such bullshit.


I also find it odd how she wrote this yet was all CONSENSUAL SEX = RAEP/PYRAMID HEAD HAPPY HOUR

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Frank: Some cocks can't be unsucked.

11-12-2007 12:28 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

...Is it wrong I laughed at 'Pyramid Head Happy Hour"?
11-12-2007 12:33 AMFreeze is offline Send an Email to Freeze Search for Posts by Freeze Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

...wait, what

HOW is consensual sex even possible to be considered RAEP, like where is the logic behind that

__________________

Quote by Necro:
there's this cookie cutter life that people expect you to have and once you hit your 20s you're supposed to be somewhere in the middle of it

i ate the dough

11-12-2007 12:35 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

She was crazy yeah, it was somehow RAEP when she had a problem with Mal later.
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