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10-08-2007 9:43 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

“…Guh…”

The large lump smothered under the bed’s sheets moved and wriggled slightly before the sheets were haphazardly tossed aside by the figure underneath. The man there slowly sat up in bed, his face blank and dead looking, his eyes red and bloodshot.

“Man, this schedule really doesn’t agree with me. How’s a guy like me supposed to live when he has to be up at 5 am?” The man sat there for a few minutes, likely fighting off the urge to go back to sleep.

The room’s silence was broken by a knock on the cabin door. “Tony, it’s time to wake up!” came a somewhat stern female voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m up, Maya” Tony grumbled as he climbed to his feet. “Damn it all, this really isn’t gonna work”

“Just hurry up,” chided Maya. “We’ve got some important work to do today, and the sooner we get to it, the better.”

“Alright already! I said I’m up!”

“Better be. I’m gonna go wake up the others, and you better be ready to move in 10 minutes.”

“God dammit.”

---

“So what’s so important, Maya?” complained a somewhat annoyed man sitting leisurely next to Tony, another member of the crew gathered in the ship’s meeting room.

“If you’ll give me a moment, ‘Rex’,” retaliated Maya, “I’ll have my report ready.”
Rex just folded his arms and leaned further back, staring at the ceiling. A few minutes passed before Maya spoke up again. “Alright, listen up. You know the reports we’ve been hearing about that group of ‘merchants’ smuggling illegal minerals out of the system? Well, they’ve finally started posting bounties.”

“Holy shit, are you serious?” inquired a suddenly interested Tony. “This was totally worth waking up so early.”

Rex, who also suddenly found himself on the edge of his seat, added, “Oh yeah, man! What’s the price on these bozos?”

“Not as much as you’d expect, but still decent for a general bounty. A million creds a ship.”

“Shit, that’s all?” complained Rex. “Oh well, it’ll more than pay the bills if we get a good turnout. So when do we head out?”

“Well,” explained Maya, “I’ve been checking some leads and discovered a regular location in the area for their operations. What I’ve planned mostly involves hiding about a nearby planet until they show up, and ambushing them. I’m hoping we can capture at least one of them and get more information from them.

“The reason I wanted to get out so early today is simply so we can be ready long before they show up. I’m aware that you’re all tired, but once we’re there we only have to have one person standing watch at a time; the rest can sleep until their post.

“In further addition, there is an asteroid belt in the vicinity that we could mine while we wait.”

The fact of the matter was, while the team mostly focused on bounty hunting, their cover as a mining vessel also offered its share of income, even if a hefty portion of the ship’s cargo hold had to be converted into a hangar.
“Alright, then!” concluded Tony. “No use standing around here talking about it. Let’s get going!”

---

“Man, this sucks unbelievably bad,” groaned Tony. “Two hours of sitting here watching the stars go by is NOT good for someone who’s only had four hours of sleep. BUT, I still have another two hours to wait, so I might as well just shut up. Like smugglers operate at 7 in the morning anyway”

---

"What the hell? What's a mining vessel doing out here, especially at 7 am?"

"It doesn't matter. They're defenseless all alone out here. Send in the Stealth Squad in ambush formation and have them wait for my signal to attack."

"Yes sir!"

---

"GUYS, wake up! We got blips!"

"Are you kiddin' me?!" roared Rex. "You know what happened to the boy that cried wolf; he got his ass beat!"

"One," retorted Maya, "That's wrong on way too many levels. And two, he's right; look! And not with your mouth this time, dumbass."

Maya was right - a look at the radar showed two sets of blips, neither group exceeding 3 or 4 ships.

"Shit," commented Rex. "Feels like Christmas morning! If we bag these morons, we'll be eating like kings for months!"

Tony chuckled. "Yeah, but are you up to the challenge?"

"You're one to talk, what with that flying tampon you pilot."

"Hey, at least I don't waste all our money on repairs every damn time we come within a light year of something with a weapon."

"Yeah, yeah. Very funny."

As the two argued over power versus maneuverability, they made their way to the hangar; they would strike fast and hard, just like true German descendants.

---

"Sir, the mining vessel has just deployed two ships: a Corsair and a Cruiser!"

"What?! All ships, prepare for combat! There are only two engaging ships, but don't take them lightly! Keep on the watch for an ambush!"

"What about the Stealth Squad, Sir?"

"First, sever communications from the mining vessel, then capture it! With control of that vessel, the enemy will be forced to withdraw."

"Yes sir!"

---

The space was as it always is--black, endless, and devoid of depth perception. A nebula distorted part of the blackness. Out of that shadow of color descended one large and one smaller ship, riding away from a mining vessel being quickly overtaken by the enemy.

"Here I come, you lawless bastards!" called the pilot of the smaller as he let off a spray of 'warning' shots at such a range that the accuracy was practically nonexistent.

In strangely immediate response, the enemy forces less their noncombatant vessels--equating to four of the weapon-heavy Corsair class and one of the warship Frigate class--engaged toward the enemy. The Frigate let off a warning shot of its own--a highly explosive rocket sent straight at the heart of the typically noncombatant Cruiser class ship piloted by the bounty hunter Tony. A quick burst from his ship's starboard thruster sent the rocket harmlessly by him.

The Cruisers were quick to follow up with some beam fire and energy bullets, all of which were evaded in similar fashion.

"Looking for a scapegoat, eh?!" taunted Tony. "I'm afraid you're looking in the wrong system!"

"The hell are you talking to?!" returned Rex from his Corsair. "We aren't connected to them, just each other and Maya!"

Quickly clamming up, Tony pulled in above one of the enemy Corsairs, swooping down dangerously close on the unsuspecting target and unleashing a spray of bullets at their main thrusters. Only one thruster went out, but the enemy's loss of control was more than evident as it began erratic thrusts and turns.

The other Corsairs, afraid to hit their ally in an attempt to shoot down the notably smaller target, focused their fire unto the other Corsair. Rex lurched his ship up to make an evasion attempt, but took a few direct bullet hits and quite a graze from the middle grade Particle Beam shot. Luckily, there was not enough of an impact to throw him off balance.

One of the Corsairs was not so fortunate, as Rex's rocket shattered straight into their cockpit. The pilot was long dead before the rocket went off. The rest was insurance.

"Rex, there's an incoming transmission from their leader."

"They're surrendering already? Damn. Maya, put them through!"

"Maya?"

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


This post has been edited; it was last edited by Iron Savior: 10-13-2007 1:55 PM.

10-08-2007 10:19 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Personally, that's a little too much fuck and ass for my tastes. I know it's supposed to be speaking and all, but I'm already not taking it seriousky, makes me think of rebellious 13 year olds.

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Aliz: yeah we were told that this keiko business would all work out but then the economy crashed and we're left with these useless asians.

10-09-2007 7:55 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Yes, the diction seems too low-class, basically,. You say this is sci-fi? I don't know any sci-fi that has that kind of talk...
10-09-2007 11:26 AMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

So what? It's not like there's a set of specific rules you have to follow when writing aci-fi. This isn't D&D.

But I see what you mean. I'll go in and edit it up later.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 11:28 AMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Also, Tony is intended to be extremely foul-mouthed. Equivalent to trailer trash and that kinda thing.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 11:41 AMPedocles is offline Send an Email to Pedocles Search for Posts by Pedocles Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

This is one reason why I liked Superbad. People actually TALK like that.

__________________

Quote:
In life, be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

10-09-2007 11:42 AMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well if he's trailer trash, you can express that different ways, with "ya'll" and other strange dialect they like to use.

"I didn't make that whore pregnant, it was damn Larry that done did it!"

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Aliz: yeah we were told that this keiko business would all work out but then the economy crashed and we're left with these useless asians.

10-09-2007 1:00 PMNine XXVI is offline Send an Email to Nine XXVI Search for Posts by Nine XXVI Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Damo
This is one reason why I liked Superbad. People actually TALK like that.

Fuck you Damo, wait, you said "one reason".

You mean, there's more?!

Oh, and I didn't read this. Not yet anyway.
Peace.

__________________
"It's about the realism, I mean there has to be some underlying tenant of logic
going on or else you just become the writing team from Passions," - Sharpie.

10-09-2007 1:10 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Yeah, Damo has shit taste too it seems. Sigh

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Aliz: yeah we were told that this keiko business would all work out but then the economy crashed and we're left with these useless asians.

10-09-2007 1:17 PMRussian Agent is offline Send an Email to Russian Agent Search for Posts by Russian Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Damo
This is one reason why I liked Superbad. People actually TALK like that.


Quote:
rebellious 13 year olds.


Otherwise yeah, no generally not every sentence is punctuated with some sort of profanity

__________________
JE SUIS CHARLIE


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

10-09-2007 5:07 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Ekusah
Well if he's trailer trash, you can express that different ways, with "ya'll" and other strange dialect they like to use.

"I didn't make that whore pregnant, it was damn Larry that done did it!"

I know, that's the kind of thing I was thinking. I should have it edited and possibly added to sometime today. Also, to make sure the whole story stays consolidated, I'll post the new parts, but also add them to the original post. That way the conversation doesn't clutter it up too much for those who just want to read through it.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 5:13 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Will it be less than 25K characters?
10-09-2007 5:14 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

hopefully.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 5:14 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

At least, it will be for now.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 5:15 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

If worst comes to worst, attach a textfile?
10-09-2007 5:18 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Yeah, that works.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


10-09-2007 5:19 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

TDOTTLE DELIVERS
10-09-2007 11:19 PMNine XXVI is offline Send an Email to Nine XXVI Search for Posts by Nine XXVI Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote:
Originally posted by Big Gay X
Personally, that's a little too much fuck and ass for my tastes. I know it's supposed to be speaking and all, but I'm already not taking it seriousky, makes me think of rebellious 13 year olds.

Read it and this.

Its not bad, but the overuse of the cursing really drags it down a bit. Looking forward to more though, Iron.
Peace.

__________________
"It's about the realism, I mean there has to be some underlying tenant of logic
going on or else you just become the writing team from Passions," - Sharpie.

10-10-2007 12:52 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

I wouldn't speak redneck either though... I can't stand either. Bah.
10-10-2007 11:46 AMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Edit + next bit.
---

“…Guh…”
The large lump smothered under the bed’s sheets moved and wriggled slightly before the sheets were haphazardly tossed aside by the figure underneath. The man there slowly sat up in bed, his face blank and dead looking, his eyes red and bloodshot.
“Man, this schedule really doesn’t agree with me. How’s a guy like me supposed to live when he has to be up at 5 am?” The man sat there for a few minutes, likely fighting off the urge to go back to sleep.
The room’s silence was broken by a knock on the cabin door. “Tony, it’s time to wake up!” came a somewhat stern female voice.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m up, Maya” Tony grumbled as he climbed to his feet. “Damn it all, this really isn’t gonna work”
“Just hurry up,” chided Maya. “We’ve got some important work to do today, and the sooner we get to it, the better.”
“Alright already! I said I’m up!”
“Better be. I’m gonna go wake up the others, and you better be ready to move in 10 minutes.”
“God dammit.”

“So what’s so important, Maya?” complained a somewhat annoyed man sitting leisurely next to Tony, another member of the crew gathered in the ship’s meeting room.
“If you’ll give me a moment, ‘Rex’,” retaliated Maya, “I’ll have my report ready.”
Rex just folded his arms and leaned further back, staring at the ceiling. A few minutes passed before Maya spoke up again. “Alright, listen up. You know the reports we’ve been hearing about that group of ‘merchants’ smuggling illegal minerals out of the system? Well, they’ve finally started posting bounties.”
“Holy shit, are you serious?” inquired a suddenly interested Tony. “This was totally worth waking up so early.”
Rex, who also suddenly found himself on the edge of his seat, added, “Oh yeah, man! What’s the price on these bozos?”
“Not as much as you’d expect, but still decent for a general bounty. A million creds a ship.”
“Shit, that’s all?” complained Rex. “Oh well, it’ll more than pay the bills if we get a good turnout. So when do we head out?”
“Well,” explained Maya, “I’ve been checking some leads and discovered a regular location in the area for their operations. What I’ve planned mostly involves hiding about a nearby planet until they show up, and ambushing them. I’m hoping we can capture at least one of them and get more information from them.
“The reason I wanted to get out so early today is simply so we can be ready long before they show up. I’m aware that you’re all tired, but once we’re there we only have to have one person standing watch at a time; the rest can sleep until their post.
“In further addition, there is an asteroid belt in the vicinity that we could mine while we wait.”
The fact of the matter was, while the team mostly focused on bounty hunting, their cover as a mining vessel also offered its share of income, even if a hefty portion of the ship’s cargo hold had to be converted into a hangar.
“Alright, then!” concluded Tony. “No use standing around here talking about it. Let’s get going!”

“Man, this sucks unbelievably bad,” groaned Tony. “Two hours of sitting here watching the stars go by is NOT good for someone who’s only had four hours of sleep. BUT, I still have another two hours to wait, so I might as well just shut up. Like smugglers operate at 7 in the morning anyway”

It's cut off in the middle of the little 'scene', but yeah, class time's just about up.

__________________
IronTube Random Songs
Current number of songs: 112

Blue Öyster Cult - E.T.I.


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