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08-22-2012 9:18 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Fuck Bronies Episode 1: Why You Should Hate Bronies

I'm calling this set of articles "Fuck Bronies" because it's probably the most succinct way to summarize the main point of it all. To the general populace of the pony fandom, that is the most plain statement I can use to express my feelings toward them. Fuck bronies.

You're getting ahead of yourself. Start off boringly and explain what being a brony means like a normal introductory article.

Fine. I'll boil this down to a simple way to think of it later, but to be fair to the entire congregation, the pony fandom needs to be broken down into layers.

The first layer of people that exist within the fandom are normal people. People that watch the show and say "Hey, this is well-written, well-animated, and does a good job of fleshing out its characters and world while continuing to provide both simple sight gags and somewhat more elaborate jokes to make it consistently entertaining" in however many words they see fit. The majority of people at TDotOL that enjoy the show fit into this category.

These people are an extreme minority, and typically choose not to associate themselves with the fandom at large, or if they do, they use alternate names within the fandom and typically remain very distant. Bear in mind, as well, that anomalies exist between and among every group listed here.

From here, the next group down, though pretty slightly down, is the group of 95+% women who are long-time fans of My Little Pony, from older generations. There is a good deal of overlap here with this group and the groups before and after it, and I only make the distinction at all on account of a difference in attitude that I've noticed, which is a common occurence in long-running fandoms with fluctuating popularity.

There's a good bit of disparity between the top and end bottom end of this group. You'll see lots of things throughout it, and the only reason I don't batch it in with the rest is because somehow, being a female fan has grown into being an anomaly. The main thing to note about this group compared to the counterparts you'll find in the others is a disagreement that the current generation is the best and anything from any older generation is trash. Slightly less common is a tendency to express superiority over the other groups for having been a more long-standing fan.

Gen 4 fans expressing superiority over older fans exists too, but is commonly viewed as Durrrr....

Yeah yeah, we get it, very informative. I thought you were supposed to be all pissed and ranting and stuff.

Excellent point, non-existent interviewer used as a divider. Fuck you, I'm getting to it.

Now we will begin to move into the realm of depravity, and a closer look at my mental meltdown from my sheer inability to fathom how a phenomenon so horrible can actually exist. It's time to talk about real bronies.

Basic bronies aren't always THAT bad, but they're pretty shitty. The main characteristics of a brony are as follows:

- Obsessed beyond belief about the show well beyond the point of normalcy
- Analyzing the backstory and personality of characters that have been on screen for less than 30 seconds combined between all episodes
- Getting into heated debates about which pony is the best, usually hinging on one of the above extremely tangential characters
- Having Asperger's, or going way the fuck out of your way to act as if you do
- Producing tons upon tons of generic fan content day in and day out for no particular reason other than ponies
- Creating a pony OC, or having a ponified version of themself

It should be pretty apparent why this group is usually incredibly grating. There's an astounding amount of closed-mindedness being thrown about both by bronies referring to those outside the fandom, and people outside the fandom referring to bronies. Bronies will sit there and gawk to random people about themes from the show, such as "love and tolerance" and the various morals from different episodes. Like, forever. Like they're the god damned professor of pony-style psychology. Meanwhile, they default to treating everyone that disagrees with them like shit.

Oh yeah, remember that one one-off line from that one episode, and it was like soooooooooooo funny for like three seconds? No? Well you should hang out with bronies, because they use it like a meme in response to everything ever that anyone ever says, even if--espeically if--saying it makes no sense at all.

Also, you remember that episode where they broke into song for like 5 minutes? Yeah, bronies sing those songs all the fucking time, as well as produce dozens of shitty dubstep remixes of them just to further prove that they don't and never will have any marketable talents.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll get into the mood to go off for hours about this more some other time. We still have more ground to cover amongst bronies.

You mean... There's more? What could possibly be worse than that?

Hahaha. HaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaHA!

You have no idea.

Let me introduce you to the lowest level of brony.

The clopper.

What is a clopper, you ask? Well, it's quite simple. Take a picture of a pony, and then imagine someone jerking off to it. I apologize for making your mind's eye go blind. Don't worry, it usually returns after the shock wears off.

But yeah, this is the legitimately terrifying level of bronydom. People who are sexually attracted to animate toy ponies. Most of them will argue that their personality is what makes them sexually attractive, not the fact that they are brightly-colored animals. It's all a bunch of bullshit. You want to fuck an imaginary horse, and that's basically the bottom line of it.

Some people believe that they are spiritually a pony, like they were supposed to be born as a cartoon horse, and therefore it's natural for them to be attracted to a cartoon horse. But they're still wrong. The reality is they've never met a woman that didn't laugh at them for their incredible degree of social awkwardness, so they fall back on ponies because they're the only female figures they can perceive common ground with.

Blunt? Yes. Accurate? You bet.

But, why should I be so pissed about this? If they're truly that socially awkward, they couldn't possibly harm people outside of their parents and friends happening upon them jacking off to Rainbow Dash, right?

Wrong!

This shit is getting mainstream enough, and community-based enough, that these lunatics are getting within reach of the actual voice actors of the ponies, and making snarky remarks about raping them, even the ones that are like fucking 12 years old.

Also of note is that actual rapists tend to have a lot of depravity and social awkwardness in their lives. That's pretty much what drives them to do what they do. So already there's one outwardly obvious way that this could harm real people.

Additionally speaking, it creates an extreme barrier of shame around those that proudly identify themselves as bronies, because this shit gets out. People know about this. Many people's first impression of a person who is introduced as a brony usually presents a predisposition that the person is either a 'spergined-out manchild, or into bestiality and/or pedophilia.

I personally will never call myself a brony to anyone ever, despite the fact that I enjoy the show, because I know that if I said anything, the majority of my friends would never want to talk to me again, and I would not blame them. This shit is ridiculous.

God forbid the day comes that I actually want to find pony art, because I guarantee that I will find at least as much pony smut as anything legitimate.

Well, I'm going to go kill myself.

Yeah, I'll join you in a minute. Let me make my conclusion.

This categorization of the brony fandom is largely useless, on account of the supreme toxicity of the later categories. To the public, there can be no "good bronies," just the same way as that during Nazi Germany, every german soldier, or perhaps every german in general, was categorized as being as evil as Hitler himself. Most of them were probably not that bad of people, either disillusioned by Hitler's tongue, or possibly being kept from the whole truth of things. But the historical accuracy of bronies vs. nazis is not relevant to the point of the analogy.

My point is, ayone who is proud to call themselves a brony, is proud to be grouped with 'spergins and sexual deviants.

Therefore, fuck bronies.

Make sure to tune in next rant for some more personalized and direct topics of disdain.

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08-22-2012 9:19 PMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Some of the sentences are a little roundabout, but I wasn't much into thinking about how to rewrite them after I'd just written it all. It's still comprehensible, at least.

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08-22-2012 9:26 PMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

This makes me want to change my av for fear of association.

Well done!
08-22-2012 9:29 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

This is awesome.

I will eventually write something for Fuck Bronies

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GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Bill Maher: If you think you have it tough, read history books.

08-22-2012 9:54 PMCONFUSED.com is offline Send an Email to CONFUSED.com Search for Posts by CONFUSED.com Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

*Not kidding about the tags in this post. assume all things lead to something incriminating. usually NSFW. and mostly NSFSanity.


Hello my name is ConfusedDOTcom and I'm a brony sympathiser for the simple fact that I refuse to accept the fact that this applies to all of them… yes you have the 'spergins, yes you have the cloppers, yes you have the zoophilliacs…. then again I contradict myself by saying anyone who willingly identifies as a brony is on the way to becoming a trainwreck.
You briefly touched upon what I like to label as the 7 layers of brony hell.
Unfortunately it gets deeper than "cloppers" as we reach what I like to call the furry aggregation zone.

Case in point the notorious "brony" and furry artist 0r0ch1 jumps straight down to layer two (Original character porn and what clenches the deal is his love for doing this to the underage characters of said show. I've included a single link assume it is NSFW and please don't click unless you fancy seeing a small reason why I dislike bronies. http://e621.net/data/sample/89/f5/89f507....jpg?1337427626 )

Im still convinced I'm nowhere near the worst case scenario with my digging but currently the straight up most repulsive group I've encountered was: MLP Kinky Dice Game: Sex Acts! - Google Docs - PRETTY FUCKING MESSED UP... and this was an active roleplaying group. *sigh*

...Fuck bronies.

This post has been edited; it was last edited by CONFUSED.com: 08-22-2012 9:58 PM.

08-22-2012 9:59 PMCONFUSED.com is offline Send an Email to CONFUSED.com Search for Posts by CONFUSED.com Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Writing this after shotting whiskey wasn't the smartest idea. I can't word it seems.
08-22-2012 10:03 PMCONFUSED.com is offline Send an Email to CONFUSED.com Search for Posts by CONFUSED.com Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

At the very least we can always hope that once the show dies this culture will fade into entropy with nothing but the die hard horse masterbaters left. and fuck I can't spell this evening for shit.
08-22-2012 10:20 PMCONFUSED.com is offline Send an Email to CONFUSED.com Search for Posts by CONFUSED.com Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Am I doing it right?

No I'm really not.
08-22-2012 10:46 PMD is offline Send an Email to D Search for Posts by D Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Big N Necroposting is a thing sometimes.

Also, please don't link to that shit, for my sake.

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that made you think about some rather abstract concepts like:
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08-23-2012 12:15 AMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by CONFUSED.com:
Am I doing it right?

No I'm really not.


I could use you as a writer in this thread, you're knowledgeable in the absolute lowest of levels, and could add some diversity from just me being pissed at them as a cloud of horror, and maybe Hol and others writing about various news in brony bullshittery.

__________________
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Current number of songs: 112

Firewind - Kill to Live


08-23-2012 12:20 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Time to break out the Wordpress!
08-23-2012 1:11 AMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

You can't code a page...?

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GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Bill Maher: If you think you have it tough, read history books.

08-23-2012 1:16 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well I an but this seems so much easier
08-23-2012 1:22 AMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

You're so lazy

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Bill Maher: If you think you have it tough, read history books.

08-23-2012 1:23 AMAlabastard is offline Send an Email to Alabastard Search for Posts by Alabastard Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Well it lets you guys submit to it.
08-23-2012 2:12 AMIron Savior is offline Send an Email to Iron Savior Search for Posts by Iron Savior Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

SUBMIT TO THE MACHINE

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Current number of songs: 112

Firewind - Kill to Live


08-23-2012 9:08 AMEnclave Agent is offline Send an Email to Enclave Agent Search for Posts by Enclave Agent Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

As long as it's not a tumblr of any sort

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Social Credit score: Negative 1997


These are not fairy tales, or myths. This place of power is tangible, and as such, can be found, entered, and perhaps, utilized in some fashion..

Quote by Nina Fortner (regarding faking one's death):
Been there done that. No one would believe it this time.

Quote by Alizarin:
holy fuck i am ready to burn it all down. all of it.

08-23-2012 11:07 AMCONFUSED.com is offline Send an Email to CONFUSED.com Search for Posts by CONFUSED.com Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Not found.
08-23-2012 5:23 PMMoose is offline Search for Posts by Moose Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Quote by Iron Savior:
I personally will never call myself a brony to anyone ever, despite the fact that I enjoy the show, because I know that if I said anything, the majority of my friends would never want to talk to me again

I sure as hell wouldn't. Or at the very least, I'd say, "That's great. Please don't mention it to me ever again."
08-23-2012 5:24 PMStruggler is offline Send an Email to Struggler Search for Posts by Struggler Post Reply with Quote Edit/Delete Post       Go to the top of this page

Can't people just say "I'm a fan" anymore? All these fucking Durrrr... label names.

__________________
GUL DUKAT DID NOTHING WRONG.

Bill Maher: If you think you have it tough, read history books.

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